5 Ways To Restore Trust In Your Relationship
I Recently got a message from Eddie who writes:
“I broke my ex’s Trust, and currently feels that it can not be re-earned.
Any thoughts would be great.”
Thanks for the message Eddie and hopefully many people can benefit as we bring this issue to light. I’ll try and help as much as I can.
If you need to re-establish trust in your relationship, here are the steps to take. This is the best and most honest way re-gain the trust of your ex.
1. Apologize. Trust building starts with a true, sincere, honest, heart-felt apology. You must show remorse for any wrong doing on your part. Tell your ex you know you have hurt them and that you broke their trust. Take responsibility for your actions. Do not make excuses. And do not ask for anything in return.
Maybe it’s been awhile since you’ve spoken to your ex. It doesn’t matter. Call them up. You’ll feel better and so will they.
Remember, we’re not begging, bartering, pleading or negotiating here. We’re apologizing. No matter the circumstance, it’s always a good thing to apologize when it is necessary.
2. Listen. It’s important to truly listen to your ex at this point. Again, don’t make excuses. Acknowledge their pain. Obviously you don’t want to be judgemental, argumentative, or defensive.
It’s most important to listen at this time, be understanding, and acknowledge the thoughts and feelings your ex shares with you.
3. Right the wrong. Be accountable for whatever you may have done which caused the trust to be broken. The best way to do this is to rectify the problem if possible. For example, if there was a relationship with someone else, end it. If there was something stolen, return it. These examples may not apply to you, but you get the lesson here.
Take it a step further and let your ex know when you are again tempted to do that which originally broke the trust. This isn’t to punish yourself, although it may feel that way at first. It’s just to demonstrate that you are being accountable, and taking action to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Actions DO speak louder than words!
4. Consistency is the key. Take advantage of all opportunities to prove your trustworthiness. Like the old saying goes - “one misstep can eliminate 10 atta-boys.” The best way to do this is by being considerate and honest in all things, no matter how small they may appear.
5. Be patient. Don’t expect immediate results. Depending on the circumstance, the path to trustworthiness may require baby steps. But if you are consistent in your actions, you will get there. Your love can and will trust you again.
Maybe you didn’t commit the offense in your relationship that caused the trust to be compromised. Perhaps it was your ex. Do you need to forgive your ex and trust again?
