Win Back Love Blog

Last week we talked about how the 5 ways to reestablish trust from our partner.

But what if you are the one who is learning to trust again? Well, there’s some work for you to do too. It may be tough at first, but the rewards are many and it is worth it!

This may not apply to your situation now, but it is my hope that it will apply soon.

When you get back together with your ex, you’re gonna need to be able to move forward, and not set yourself up for a breakup cycle by not resolving issues of the past.

Here are the best ways to move forward and put your problems behind you so you can trust again.

1. Forgive - If your partner is willingly and sincerely taking action, then you must forgive that person. Forgiveness is a two way street. And even if you are skeptical, you still need to forgive the offense and forgive the person. Remember, forgiveness is a gift to YOU, as much, if not moreso, to the person being forgiven.

2. Communicate - Like most relationship issues, there is usually a “reason behing the reason.” Talk to them and let them know how you felt because of what happened. And try to find out what was the reason behind their action. Do this in a non-accusatory way, without blame, and you have a much better opportunity to get to the heart of the matter.

Successful relationships require two people who are good at resolving problems. You had a problem that hurt your relationship. But if you can really get to the heart of it, and really resolve the problem between the two of you, then you can kiss the problem goodbye and it won’t harm your relationship again in the future.

3. Acknowledge - If your partner is making progress in righting their wrong and reestablishing your trust, acknowledge it. Let them know you appreciate their effort and how much it means to you. Little compliments and acknowledgements go a long way!

4. Be patient - The process of reestablishing trust lasts a long time. Be patient with your spouse. And be grateful for the progress they are making. Eventually you will come to a place where you can see the change is sincere and the wrong has been righted.

5. Truly forgive - Why is this step here twice? Because many times we forgive the other person, but somewhere deep inside, we hold on to the hurt and we don’t forget what happened.

Now, this is natural. It’s our own defense mechanism to protect us from getting hurt again.

And, of course, we will never forget what happened. But we have to truly forgive and let go of it.

Meaning, we have to forget about it as much as possible. If we don’t, this problem could rear it’s head in other ways. Therapist offices are filled with many people who have unknowingly hurt their loved one in various ways because of the leftover hurt and bitterness of an unresolved offense many years prior.

** If you are religious, it helps to develop the habit of praying together every day, usually just before bed. It is pretty much impossible to stay mad at your loved one when you pray together and it will bring you closer together.

I realize you may be apart from your loved one and some of this may not apply to you now. But I’m confident you will be together again, and when that happens you’ll need to be able to know how to move forward without getting tripped up by issues of the past.

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3 Simple Steps To Save Your Marriage

When two people make the commitment to marriage they are saying that they want to spend the rest of their life with each other. It is a beautiful vow that declares there is only one person that they want to be with, and they are prepared to stick with that person, “in sickness and in health, in good times and bad” for ever and ever. Sadly it doesn’t always work that way. In the United States nearly half of all marriages end in divorce. Think of the last two weddings you attended. Statistically one of those will fail.

The problem tends to be that sticking together in good times is easy and enjoyable to do, but when you are talking about the not so good times many people take ending it as the easiest option. But your marriage doesn’t have to end badly, with a little work you can save it and return to the happier times. There is a very simple three step process that you should follow to go from the situation you are in now, where you are looking for a solution, through to the situation you want to be in, where your marriage is as happy as it once was.

Here are 3 guidelines to follow. A more detailed step-by-step blueprint can be found in Win Back Love.

Step One: Decide That You Want It.

This may sound like a simple step, but it’s really not. In fact it is probably the hardest step of the three. It’s all very well to say you want to save your marriage. But it’s all very well to say you want to lose weight as well, and we all know that doesn’t necessarily mean it is going to happen. When you decide you want it you need to make this your number one focus in life. Your purpose in life needs to become singular. Your purpose for existence is now simply this: saving your marriage. What does that mean? If it means losing your job then you lose your job. If you aren’t prepared to do that your job is more important that your marriage. If it means not catching up with friends then you don’t catch up with friends. If you aren’t prepared to do that then your friends are more important than your marriage. Everything you are doing you should be asking “will this help fix my marriage?”. The answer should always be yes.

Step Two: Figure Out What Is Wrong.

Again, this is not as easy as it sounds. Usually the things that trigger arguments aren’t the underlying problems, and it is the underlying problems you need to get to. Sit down with your partner, acknowledge things are not how you would like, and be open about how you are both feeling in the relationship. It’s usually best to let the man go first when you do this. The best way of starting this conversation is by asking “How can I make you happier?”. A man’s first natural response to that is probably going to be sexual. Don’t assume he is joking or being crude. Very often a man needs a strong physical component in a relationship, so take the response on board. Then say “Okay, what else.”

Step Three: Fix It

Once you have acknowledged a problem, and defined it, it becomes so much easier to actually see what the steps are to fixing it. The problem almost always contains the solution. If the problem is “I don’t feel I have enough time with you” then the solution has already presented itself. Likewise if it is “I don’t have enough time to myself” you can move the other way. The key is to identify the real problems and have an honest shot at fixing them.

So there you have the tips to save your marriage. It may sound simple but there are easy strategies you can employ to achieve them and save your marriage. Don’t ever give up!

Get your marriage back on track and build a bond that can never be broken. Check out Win Back Love: How To Get Back The Love Of Your Life, by Annalyn Caras.

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3 Ways To Stop Your Breakup or Divorce

Sometimes the scary thing about a breakup is that you can see it coming a mile off. You can feel like you are standing helpless on the track as the breakup train is hurtling down towards you. Well don’t worry. You are not helpless. You can always get off the track, and with a little foresight you may even be able to stop the train. Here’s three things you can do to help divert an impending breakup.

1. Fall In Love Again

Sometimes a relationship is just a little old and stale. Well there’s no reason to let that stay the case! If your marriage falls to bits you are going to be acting as a single again, so why not get a headstart? Seduce your partner all over again. Go on dates, do something that you really enjoy together and have a great time. Fall in love with each other all over again. We all know that when a relationship is in the honeymoon stage we overlook a lot of little imperfections, so why not rediscover that honeymoon phase. Remind each other of all the fantastic things you loved about each other back when you first got together.

2. If There Is A Problem - Fix It!

I know this sounds ridiculously simple, but you’d be amazed at how many people can pinpoint the exact problem with their relationship and yet have done nothing to fix it. I’m not going to suggest that all problems are simple, but I will say that all problems are simpler once you have defined them. Ask yourself this. Can you point at one single thing in your relationship, that if you could solve would make your life substantially better? Most people can, and it’s usually something with a pretty obvious answer. If it’s boredom then go and do something interesting. If it’s money the think of something you can both work together on to earn a few dollars. If it’s the physical side of the relationship talk with each other about what things you can do for each other to make it more enjoyable. The important thing is to identify what it is that is making you unhappy and then ask each other how you can fix it.

3. Show Your Appreciation

Everyone wants to be appreciated for their efforts, but we often forget to say our thank you’s, or if we do we make it a token thank you. Being taken for granted is probably the most common cause of annoyance in a relationship and it can ruin it in small stages. Generally people do not complain when they are neglected, they retreat into a shell. Often the offending party has no idea what they have done wrong, or even that there is anything wrong. Over time resentment builds up and builds up and will generally all come out at one time. The solution is very simple, be aware of the little things that your partner does and thank them. You should also find a special treat for them. Something they really like that is all about them. It may be a special meal, or a foot rub, or a trip to the show, but every now and then you should do that special something - just for them - as a special thank you.

Stop your break up or divorce starting today. You can fix your problems and begin re-building your bond together so that it can never be broken. Check out Win Back Love: How To Get Back The Love Of Your Life, by Annalyn Caras.

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